I’ve spent a good few hours working 1:1 with someone over the last few weeks, supporting them, coaching them, helping them prepare for a big life event.

And I’ve had almost no idea what they have actually said.

My son has been prepping for his German A level speaking exam, and I’ve been the person listening to him as he practices out loud.

It’s helped something click at a deeper level - that coaching, or supporting someone in any form, is so often about focusing on the person and not the problem/topic/situation.

I’ve known this rationally.

I’ve often put it into practice.

And yet...

It can still be tempting to dive in to the detail. Especially if it’s really interesting, or I know enough to try!

With this I simply can’t. And it’s not my role.

My role is to:

Be there, available, at the right time.
Be focused, on and with, no distractions.
Listen, reflect back what I’m noticing, ask questions.
Acknowledge progress and celebrate the journey.

Often, we think we need to understand what the other person is telling us, so we can help them fix it.

What if instead, we let them speak their own language, and help them find their own words?

It takes the pressure off to absorb all the information, and enables us to focus on being most useful.

So, the next time someone is looking for your support, remember:

You don’t have to be an expert in the subject, or even try to be.
Simply being there, present, and listening is useful.
Sharing what you notice about the process can be a gift.

Wishing you all a wonderful week,